As many of you know, I have been having a tough time with "action Jackson" lately. He's not a bad kid. Really. He's actually a great kid, smart, funny and so loving. I am not just saying that because he's mine. For a while, I was actually feeling pretty blessed that he seemed to have adjusted to life with "the Twincesses" so well. Sure, he's had a few little bumps in the road since the girls arrived, but nothing major, nothing we weren't prepared for or expecting. It seems however, that the older they get, the worse he gets. It's tough. I can see that he is torn. He truly loves Ava and Emma and for the most part, he shows them only kindness and loves to help me with feedings, getting the girls dressed and is always trying to make them smile. At the same time, he is super difficult when I am busy caring for the girls and almost impossible when anyone else pays any attention to them. It's normal, I know. The thing is, with me going back to work, Rick being home more often, a new preschool classroom and now a new teacher, he's a total mess. Disaster. The majority of our days are a struggle, he's normally a sensitive kid, but these days he is incredibly emotional. He's not having great days at preschool, not even good days. To be honest, I am tears as I type this and not because I am upset with him, but because I am hurting for him. I am also feeling incredibly guilty. I am 100% head-over-heals in love with my girls, they are just too sweet for words. That being said, I miss being just Jackson's mom. I miss being able to spoil him with attention. Most of all, I miss him.
We went to a birthday party today for my sweet and adorable niece, Ella! She turned 2 and her mom threw her an amazing birthday party, complete with a ladybug Pinata, face painting and a pumpkin for all of the kids to take home. This, all despite the fact that it seems Mother Nature has it our for her!
Jackson was not himself at the party, he just seemed off today. I am not making excuses, those of you who know me, know that. Plus, there is no excuse for bad manners and just not being a good friend! I wont get into details. I have been making empty threats lately and today I had to follow through, which proved to be difficult. Strike 1 was a minor offense, Jackson and I had a quick talk on the porch and headed back in to enjoy the rest of the festivities. Strike 2 was not even 30 minutes later and with that I packed up the girls, loaded the kids into the car and we were off. This of course, was after I apologized to the other moms, my friend for having to leave the party so early and the little boy who Jackson was singling out "because he had curly hair". Enough said!
I am not sure where we go from here, I just know that I need to make sure I don't let my emotions get the best of me. I tend to have a hard time with that... he get's it from me. I just hate to see my sweet little boy struggling like this. I think for know I need to stay calm and let him now that I am here for him and that I love him no matter what, without accepting this behavior... right??
In the meantime, say a prayer for my little guy and enjoy the pics below of Ella's Big Day, my little man Rocco enjoying all the action, a sweet photo of Jackson passed out after lots of tears over having to leave the party, but notice his amazing Jaguar face (thanks Erin) is still perfect!